Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
