Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
