so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize