If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
