dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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