May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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