____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
