Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
