Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
