now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
