that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
