evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
