yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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