All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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