if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
