whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
