I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
