living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
