That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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