She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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