Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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