I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
