Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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