I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
