Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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