People in love make me want to vomit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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