a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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