I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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