He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
