my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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