dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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