they said they heard you say put it in my butt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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