I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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