Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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