Acid is not a monday night drug
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
