just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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