the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
