hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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