You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
