Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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