she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
