He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
