i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you had me at cake vodka
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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