i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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