he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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