no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
