In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
