this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
