plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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