i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
