I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
