why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
