SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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