Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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