Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
