She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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