When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
