Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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