I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize