I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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