Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I want is dick and wine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize