Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
