I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
