put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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