At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My hand turned me down
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
