I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
