i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
