Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
