Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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