what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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