Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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