ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
