You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
