I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
