Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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